vain, with such a Voice as mine, at so great a Distance from the Room where I lay to the Kitchen where the Family kept. While I was under these Circumstances, two Rats crept up the Curtains, and ran smelling backwards and forwards on the Bed. One of them came up almost to my Face, whereupon I rose in a Fright, and drew out my Hanger to defend my self. These horrible Animals had the Boldness to attack me on both Sides, and one of them held his Fore-feet at my Collar; but I had the good Fortune to rip up his Belly before he could do me any Mischief. He fell down at my Feet, and the other, seeing the Fate of his Comrade, made his Escape, but not without one good Wound on the Back, which I gave him as he fled, and made the Blood run trickling from him. After this Exploit, I walked gently to and fro on the Bed, to recover my Breath and Loss of Spirits. These Creatures were of the Size of a large Mastiff, but infinitely more nimble and fierce; so that if I had taken off my Belt before I went to sleep, I must have infallibly been torn to Pieces and devoured. I measured the Tail of the dead Rat, and found it to be two Yards long, wanting an Inch; but it went against my Stomach to drag the Carcass off the Bed, where it lay still bleeding; I observed it had yet some Life, but with a strong Slash cross the Neck, I thoroughly dispatched it.

Soon after my Mistress came into the Room, who seeing me all Bloody, ran and took me up in her Hand. I pointed to the dead Rat, smiling and making other Signs to shew I was not hurt, whereat she was extremely rejoyced, calling the Maid to take up the dead Rat with a pair of tongs, and throw it out of the Window. Then she set me on a Table, where I shewed her my Hanger all bloody, and wiping it on the Lappet of my Coat, returned it to the Scabbard. I was pressed to do more than one Thing, which another could not do for me, and therefore endeavoured to make my Mistress understand that I desired to be set down on the Floor; which after she had done, my Bashfulness would not suffer me to express myself farther than by pointing to the Door, and bowing several Times. The good Woman with much Difficulty at last perceived what I would be at, and taking me up again in her Hand, walked into the Garden, where she set me down. I went on one Side about two Hundred Yards, and beckoning to her not to look or to follow me, I hid myself between two Leaves of sorrel and there discharged the Necessities of Nature.

I hope the gentle Reader will excuse me for dwelling on these and the like Particulars; which however insignificant they may appear to grovelling vulgar Minds, yet will certainly help a Philosopher to enlarge his Thoughts and Imagination, and apply them to the Benefit of publick as well as private Life, which was my sole Design in presenting this and other Accounts of my Travels to the World; wherein I have been chiefly studious of Truth, without affecting any Ornaments of Learning or of Style. But the whole Scene of this Voyage made so strong an Impression on my Mind, and is so deeply fixed in my Memory, that in committing it to Paper, I did not omit one material Circumstance: However, upon a strict Review, I blotted out several Passages of less Moment which were in my first Copy, for fear of being censured as tedious and trifling, whereof Travellers are often, perhaps not without Justice, accused.

CHAPTER II.

A Description of the Farmer's Daughter. The Author carried to a Market- Town, and then to the Metropolis. The Particulars of his Journey.

My Mistress had a Daughter of nine Years old, a Child of towardly Parts for her Age, very dextrous at her Needle, and skilful in dressing her Baby. Her Mother and she contrived to fit up the Baby's Cradle for me against Night: The Cradle was put into a small Drawer of a Cabinet, and the Drawer placed upon a hanging Shelf for fear of the Rats. This was my Bed all the Time I stayed with those People, though made more convenient by Degrees, as I began to learn their Language, and make my Wants known. This young Girl was so handy, that after I had once or twice pulled off my Cloaths before her, she was able to dress and undress me, though I never gave her that Trouble when she would let me do either my self. She made me seven Shirts, and some other Linnen, of as fine Cloth as could be got, which indeed was coarser than Sackcloth; and these she constantly washed for me with her own Hands. She was likewise my School-Mistress to teach me the Language: When I pointed to any thing, she told me the Name of it in her own Tongue, so that in a few Days I was able to call for whatever I had a mind to. She was very good natured, and not above forty Foot high, being little for her Age. She gave me the Name of Grildrig, which the Family took up, and afterwards the whole Kingdom. The Word imports what the Latins call Nanunculus, the Italians Homunceletino, and the English Mannikin. To her I chiefly owe my Preservation in that Country: We never parted while I was there; I called her my Glumdalclitch, or little Nurse: And I should be guilty of great Ingratitute if I omitted this honourable Mention of her Care and Affection towards me, which I heartily wish it lay in my Power to requite as she deserves, instead of being the innocent but unhappy Instrument of her Disgrace, as I have too much Reason to fear.

It now began to be known and talked of in the Neighbourhood, that my Master had found a strange Animal in the Fields, about the Bigness of a Splacknuck, but exactly shaped in every Part like a human Creature; which it likewise imitated in all its Actions; seemed to speak in a little Language of its own, had already learned several Words of theirs, went erect upon two Legs, was tame and gentle, would come when it was called, do whatever it was bid, had the finest Limbs in the World, and a Complexion fairer than a Nobleman's Daughter of three Years old. Another Farmer who lived hard by, and was a particular Friend of my Master, came on a Visit on Purpose to inquire into the Truth of this Story. I was immediately produced, and placed upon a Table, where I walked as I was commanded, drew my Hanger, put it up again, made my Reverence to my Master's Guest, asked him in his own Language how he did, and told him he was welcome, just as my little Nurse had instructed me. This Man, who was old and dimsighted, put on his Spectacles to behold me better, at which I could not forbear laughing very heartily, for his Eyes appeared like the Full- Moon shining into a Chamber at two Windows. Our People, who discovered the Cause of my Mirth, bore me Company in Laughing, at which the old Fellow was Fool enough to be angry and out of Countenance. He had the Character of a great Miser; and to my Misfortune he well deserved it by the cursed Advice he gave my Master to shew me as a Sight upon a Market-Day in the next Town, which was half an Hour's Riding, about two and twenty miles from our House. I guessed there was some Mischief contriving, when I observed my Master and his Friend whispering long together, sometimes pointing at me; and my Fears made me fancy that I overheard and understood some of their Words. But the next Morning Glumdalclitch, my little Nurse, told me the whole Matter, which she had cunningly picked out from her Mother. The poor Girl laid me on her Bosom, and fell a weeping with Shame and Grief. She apprehended some Mischief would happen to me from rude vulgar Folks, who might squeeze me to Death, or break one of my Limbs by taking me in their Hands. She had also observed how modest I was in my Nature, how nicely I regarded my Honour, and what an Indignity I should conceive it to be exposed for Money as a publick Spectacle to the meanest of the People. She said, her Papa and Mamma had promised that Grildrig should be hers; but now she found they meant to serve her as they did last Year, when they pretended to give her a Lamb; and yet, as soon as it was fat, sold it to a Butcher. For my own Part, I may truly affirm that I was less concerned than my Nurse. I had a strong Hope, which never left me, that I should one Day recover my Liberty; and as to the ignominy of being carried about for a Monster, I considered my self to be a perfect Stranger in the Country; and that such a Misfortune could never be charged upon me as a Reproach, if ever I should return to England; since the King of Great Britain himself, in my Condition, must have undergone the same Distress.

My Master, pursuant to the Advice of his Friend, carried me in a Box the next Market-Day to the neighbouring Town; and took along with him his little Daughter, my Nurse, upon a Pillion behind him. The Box was close on every Side, with a little Door for me to go in and out, and a few Gimlet-holes to let in Air. The Girl had been so careful to put the Quilt of her Baby's Bed into it, for me to lye down on. However, I was terribly shaken and discomposed in this Journey, though it were but of half an Hour. For the Horse went about forty Foot at every Step, and trotted so high, that the Agitation was equal to the rising and falling of a Ship in a great Storm, but much more frequent: Our Journey was somewhat further than from London to St. Albans. My Master alighted at an Inn which he used to frequent; and after consulting a while with the Inn-keeper, and making some necessary Preparations, he hired the Grultrud, or Cryer, to give Notice through the Town of a strange Creature to be seen at the Sign of the Green Eagle, not so big as a Splacknuck (an Animal in that Country very finely shaped, about six Foot long) and in every Part of the Body resembling an human Creature, could speak several Words, and perform an Hundred diverting Tricks.

I was placed upon a Table in the largest Room of the Inn, which might be near three Hundred Foot square. My little Nurse stood on a low Stool close to the Table, to take care of me, and direct what I should do. My Master, to avoid a Croud, would suffer only Thirty People at a Time to see me. I walked about on the Table as the Girl commanded; she asked me Questions as far as she knew my Understanding of the Language reached, and I answered them as loud as I could. I turned about several Times to the Company, paid my humble Respects, said they were welcome, and used some other Speeches I had been taught. I took up a Thimble filled with Liquor, which Glumdalclitch had given me for a Cup, and drank their Health. I drew out my Hanger, and flourished it after the Manner of Fencers in England. My Nurse gave me part of a Straw, which I exercised as a Pike, having learned the Art in my Youth. I was that Day shewn to twelve Sets of Company; and as often forced to go over again with the same Fopperies, till I was half dead with Weariness and Vexation. For those who had seen me made such wonderful Reports, that the People were ready to break down the Doors to come in. My Master for his own Interest would not suffer any one to touch me except my Nurse; and, to prevent Danger, Benches were set around the Table at such a Distance, as put me out of every Body's Reach. However, an unlucky School-Boy aimed a Hazel-Nut directly at my Head, which very narrowly missed me; otherwise, it came with so much Violence, that it would have infallibly knocked out my Brains, for it was almost as large as a small Pumpion: But I had the Satisfaction to see the young Rogue well beaten, and turned out of the Room.

My Master gave publick Notice that he would shew me again the next Market- Day: And in the mean time he prepared a more convenient Vehicle for me, which he had Reason enough to do; for I was so tired with my first Journey, and with entertaining Company for eight Hours together, that I could hardly stand upon my Legs, or speak a Word. It was at least three Days before I recovered my Strength; and that I might have no rest at Home, all the neighbouring Gentlemen from an Hundred Miles round, hearing of my Fame, came to see me at my Master's own House. There could not be fewer than thirty Persons with their Wives and Children; (for the Country is very populous); and my Master demanded the Rate of a full Room whenever he shewed me at Home, although it were only to a single Family. So that for some Time I had but little Ease every Day of the Week (except Wednesday, which is their Sabbath) although I were not carried to the Town.

My Master, finding how profitable I was likely to be, resolved to carry me to the most considerable Cities of the Kingdom. Having therefore provided himself with all Things necessary for a long Journey, and settled his Affairs at Home; he took Leave of his Wife, and upon the 17th of August 1703, about two Months after my Arrival, we set out for the Metropolis, situated near the Middle of that Empire, and about three Thousand Miles distance from our House: My Master made his Daughter Glumdalclitch ride behind him. She carried me on her lap in a Box tied about her Waist. The Girl had lined it on all Sides with the softest Cloth she could get, well quilted underneath; furnished it with her Baby's Bed, provided me with Linnen and other Necessaries, and made everything as convenient as she could. We had no other Company but a Boy of the House, who rode after us with the Luggage.

My Master's Design was to shew me in all the Towns by the Way, and to step out of the Road for Fifty or an Hundred Miles, to any Village or Person of Quality's House where he might expect Custom. We made easy Journies of not above seven or eight Score Miles a Day: For Glumdalclitch, on Purpose to spare me, complained she was tired with the trotting of the Horse. She often took me out of my Box at my own Desire, to give me Air, and shew me the Country; but always held me fast by Leading-strings. We passed over five or six Rivers many Degrees broader and deeper than the Nile or the Ganges; and there was hardly a Rivulet so small as the Thames at London-Bridge. We were ten Weeks in our Journey, and I was shewn in Eighteen large Towns besides many Villages and private Families.

On the 26th day of October, we arrived at the Metropolis, called in their Language Lorbrulgrud, or Pride of the Universe. My Master took a Lodging in the principal Street of the City, not far from the Royal Palace, and put out Bills in the usual Form, containing an exact Description of my Person and Parts. He hired a large Room between three and four Hundred Foot wide. He provided a Table sixty Foot in Diameter, upon which I was to act my Part; and palisadoed it round three Foot from the Edge, and as many high, to prevent my falling over. I was shewn ten Times a Day to the Wonder and Satisfaction of all People. I could now speak the Language tolerably well; and perfectly understood every Word that was spoken to me. Besides, I had learned their Alphabet, and could make a shift to explain a Sentence here and there; for Glumdalclitch had been my Instructer while we were at home, and at leisure Hours during our Journey. She carried a little Book in her Pocket, not much larger than a Sanson's Atlas; it was a common Treatise for the use of young Girls, giving a short Account of their Religion; out of this she taught me my Letters, and interpreted the Words.

CHAPTER III.

The Author sent for to Court. The Queen buys him of his Master the Farmer, and presents him to the King. He disputes with his Majesty's great Scholars. An Apartment at Court provided for the Author. He is in high Favour with the Queen. He stands up for the Honour of his own Country. His Quarrels with the Queen's Dwarf.

The frequent Labours I underwent every Day made in a few Weeks a very considerable change in my Health: The more my Master got by me, the more unsatiable he grew. I had quite lost my Stomach, and was almost reduced to a Skeleton. The Farmer observed it, and concluding I soon must dye, resolved to make as good a Hand of me as he could. While he was thus reasoning and resolving with himself, a Slardral, or Gentleman Usher came from Court, commanding my Master to carry me immediately thither for the Diversion of the Queen and her Ladies. Some of the latter had already been to see me, and reported strange Things of my Beauty, Behaviour, and good Sense. Her Majesty and those who attended her were beyond Measure delighted with my Demeanor. I fell on my Knees, and begged the Honour of kissing her Imperial foot; but this gracious Princess held out her little Finger towards me (after I was set on a Table) which I embraced in both my Arms, and put the tip of it, with the utmost respect, to my Lip. She made me some general Questions about my Country and my Travels, which I answer'd as distinctly and in as few Words as I could. She asked whether I would be content to live at Court. I bowed down to the board of the Table, and humbly answered, that I was my Master's Slave, but if I were at my own Disposal, I should be proud to devote my Life to her Majesty's Service. She then asked my Master whether he were willing to sell me at a good Price. He who apprehended I could not live a Month, was ready enough to part with me, and demanded a thousand pieces of Gold, which were ordered him on the spot, each piece being about the bigness of eight hundred Moydores; but, allowing for the proportion of all Things between that Country and Europe, and the high Price of Gold among them, was hardly so great a sum as a thousand Guineas would be in England. I then said to the Queen, since I was now her Majesty's most humble Creature and Vassal, I must beg the favour, that Glumdalclitch, who had always tended me with so much care and kindness, and understood to do it so well, might be admitted into her Service, and continue to be my Nurse and Instructor. Her Majesty agreed to my Petition, and easily got the Farmer's consent, who was glad enough to have his Daughter preferred at Court: and the poor Girl herself was not able to hide her Joy: My late Master withdrew, bidding me farewell, and saying he had left me in a good Service; to which I replied not a Word, only making him a slight bow.

The Queen observed my coldness, and when the Farmer was gone out of the Apartment, asked me the reason. I made bold to tell her Majesty that I owed no other Obligation to my late Master, than his not dashing out the Brains of a poor harmless Creature found by chance in his Field; which Obligation was amply recompensed by the gain he had made in shewing me through half the Kingdom, and the price he had now sold me for. That the Life I had since led, was laborious enough to kill an Animal of ten times my Strength. That my Health was much impaired by the continual drudgery of entertaining the Rabble every hour of the Day, and that if my Master had not thought my Life in Danger, her Majesty perhaps would not have got so cheap a Bargain. But as I was out of all Fear of being ill treated under the Protection of so great and good an Empress, the Ornament of Nature, the Darling of the World, the Delight of her Subjects, the Phoenix of the Creation; so, I hoped my late Master's apprehensions would appear to be groundless, for I already found my Spirits to revive by the Influence of her most August Presence.

This was the sum of my Speech, delivered with great Improprieties and Hesitation; the latter part was altogether framed in the Style peculiar to that People, whereof I learned some Phrases from Glumdalclitch, while she was carrying me to Court.

The Queen giving great Allowance for my Defectiveness in speaking, was however surprised at so much Wit and good Sense in so diminutive an Animal. She took me in her own Hands, and carried me to the King, who was then retired to his Cabinet. His Majesty, a Prince of much Gravity, and austere Countenance, not well observing my Shape at first View, asked the Queen after a cold manner, how long it was since she grew fond of a Splacknuck; for such it seems he took me to be, as I lay upon my Breast in her Majesty's right Hand. But this Princess, who has an infinite deal of Wit and Humour, set me gently on my Feet upon the Scrutore, and commanded me to give his Majesty an Account of my self, which I did in a very few Words; and Glumdalclitch, who attended at the Cabinet door, and could not endure I should be out of her sight, being admitted, confirmed all that had passed from my Arrival at her Father's House.

The King, although he be as learned a Person as any in his Dominions, and had been educated in the Study of Philosophy, and particularly Mathematicks; yet when he observed my Shape exactly, and saw me walk erect, before I began to speak, conceived I might be a Piece of Clock-work, (which is in that Country arrived to a very great Perfection), contrived by some ingenious Artist. But when he heard my Voice, and found what I delivered to be regular and rational, he could not conceal his Astonishment. He was by no means satisfied with the Relation I gave him of the Manner I came into his Kingdom, but thought it a Story concerted between Glumdalclitch and her Father, who had taught me a Set of Words to make me sell at a higher Price. Upon this Imagination he put several other Questions to me, and still received rational Answers, no otherwise defective than by a foreign Accent, and an imperfect Knowledge in the Language, with some rustick Phrases which I had learned at the Farmer's House, and did not suit the polite Stile of a Court.

His Majesty sent for three great Scholars who were then in their Weekly waiting (according to the Custom in that Country). These Gentlemen, after they had a while examined my Shape with much Nicety, were of different Opinions concerning me. They all agreed that I could not be produced according to the regular Laws of Nature, because I was not framed with a Capacity of preserving my Life, either by Swiftness, or climbing of Trees, or digging Holes in the Earth. They observed by my Teeth, which they viewed with great Exactness, that I was a carnivorous Animal; yet most Quadrupeds being an Overmatch for me, and Field-Mice, with some others, too nimble, they could not imagine how I should be able to support my self, unless I fed upon Snails and other Insects, which they offered, by many learned Arguments, to evince that I could not possibly do. One of these Virtuosi seemed to think that I might be an Embrio, or abortive Birth. But this Opinion was rejected by the other two, who observed my Limbs to be perfect and finished, and that I had lived several Years, as it was manifested from my Beard, the Stumps whereof they plainly discovered through a Magnifying-Glass. They would not allow me to be a Dwarf, because my littleness was beyond all Degrees of Comparison; for the Queen's favourite Dwarf, the smallest ever known in that Kingdom, was near thirty Foot high. After much Debate, they concluded unanimously that I was only Relplum Scalcath, which is interpreted literally, Lusus Natur¾; a determination exactly agreeable to the modern Philosophy of Europe, whose Professors, disdaining the old Evasion of occult Causes, whereby the followers of Artistotle endeavour in vain to disguise their Ignorance, have invented this wonderful Solution of all Difficulties, to the unspeakable Advancement of human Knowledge.

After this decisive Conclusion, I entreated to be heard a Word or two. I applied my self to the King, and assured his Majesty that I came from a Country which abounded with several Millions of both Sexes, and of my own Stature; where the Animals, Trees, and Houses were all in Proportion, and where by consequence I might be as able to defend my self, and to find Sustenance, as any of his Majesty's Subjects could do here; which I took for a full Answer to those Gentlemens Arguments. To this they only replied with a Smile of Contempt, saying that the Farmer had instructed me very well in my Lesson. The King, who had a much better Understanding, dismissing his learned Men, sent for the Farmer, who by good Fortune was not yet gone out of Town. Having therefore first examined him privately, and then confronted him with me and the young Girl, his Majesty began to think that what we told him might possibly be true. He desired the Queen to order that a particular Care should be taken of me, and was of Opinion that Glumdalclitch should still continue in her Office of tending me, because he observed we had a great Affection for each other. A convenient Apartment was provided for her at Court; she had a sort of Governess appointed to take care of her Education, a Maid to dress her, and two other Servants for menial Offices; but the Care of me was wholly appropriated to her self. The Queen commanded her own Cabinet-maker to contrive a Box that might serve me for a Bed-chamber, after the Model that Glumdalclitch and I should agree upon. This Man was a most ingenious Artist, and according to my Directions, in three Weeks finished for me a wooden Chamber of sixteen Foot square, and twelve high, with Sash-windows, a Door, and two Closets, like a London Bed-chamber. The Board that made the Cieling was to be lifted up and down by two Hinges, to put in a Bed ready furnished by her Majesty's Upholsterer, which Glumdalclitch took out every Day to air, made it with her own Hands, and letting it down at Night, locked up the Roof over me. A nice Workman, who was famous for little Curiosities, undertook to make me two Chairs, with Backs and Frames, of a Substance not unlike Ivory, and two Tables, with a Cabinet to put my Things in. The Room was quilted on all Sides, as well as the Floor and the Cieling, to prevent any Accident from the Carelessness of those who carried me, and to break the Force of a Jolt when I went in a Coach. I desired a Lock for my Door, to prevent Rats and Mice from coming in: The Smith, after several Attempts, made the smallest that ever was seen among them, for I have known a larger at the Gate of a Gentleman's House in England. I made a shift to keep the Key in a Pocket of my own, fearing Glumdalclitch might lose it. The Queen likewise ordered the thinnest Silks that could be gotten, to make me Cloaths, not much thicker than an English Blanket, very cumbersome till I was accustomed to them. They were after the Fashion of the Kingdom, partly resembling the Persian, and partly the Chinese, and are a very grave and decent Habit.

The Queen became so fond of my Company, that she could not dine without me. I had a Table placed upon the same at which her Majesty eat, just at her left Elbow, and a Chair to sit on. Glumdalclitch stood upon a Stool on the Floor, near my Table, to assist and take care of me. I had an entire Set of silver Dishes and Plates, and other Necessaries, which in Proportion to those of the Queen, were not much bigger than what I have seen of the same kind in a London Toys-shop, for the Furniture of a Baby- house: These my little Nurse kept in her Pocket in a silver Box, and gave me at Meals as I wanted them, always cleaning them her self. No Person dined with the Queen but the two Princesses Royal, the elder sixteen Years old, and the younger at that time thirteen and a Month. Her Majesty used to put a Bit of Meat upon one of my Dishes, out of which I carved for my self; and her Diversion was to see me eat in Miniature. For the Queen (who had indeed but a weak Stomach) took up at one Mouthful as much as a dozen English Farmers could eat at a Meal, which to me was for some time a very nauseous sight. She would craunch the Wing of a Lark, Bones and all, between her Teeth, although it were nine times as large as that of a full grown Turkey; and put a Bit of Bread into her mouth, as big as two twelve-penny Loaves. She drank, out of a golden Cup, above a Hogshead at a Draught. Her Knives were twice as long as a Scythe, set strait upon the Handle. The Spoons, Forks, and other Instruments were all in the same Proportion. I remember when Glumdalclitch carried me out of curiosity to see some of the Tables at Court, where ten or a dozen of these enormous Knives and Forks were lifted up together, I thought I had never till then, beheld so terrible a Sight.

It is the Custom that every Wednesday (which, as I have before observed, was their Sabbath) the King and Queen, with the Royal Issue of both Sexes, dine together in the Apartment of his Majesty, to whom I was now become a great Favourite; and at these times my little Chair and Table were placed at his left Hand, before one of the Saltsellers. This Prince took a Pleasure in conversing with me, enquiring into the Manners, Religion, Laws, Government, and Learning of Europe; wherein I gave him the best Account I was able. His Apprehension was so clear, and his Judgment so exact, that he made very wise Reflexions and Observations upon all I said. But, I confess, that after I had been a little too copious in talking of my own beloved Country, of our Trade, and Wars by Sea and Land, of our Schisms in Religion, and Parties in the State; the Prejudices of his Education prevailed so far, that he could not forbear taking me up in his Right Hand, and stroaking me gently with the other, after an hearty Fit of laughing, asked me whether I were a Whig or a Tory. Then turning to his first Minister, who waited behind him with a white Staff, near as tall as the main-mast of the Royal Sovereign, he observed how contemptible a thing was human Grandeur, which could be mimicked by such diminutive Insects as I: And yet, said he, I dare engage, these Creatures have their Titles and Distinctions of Honour, they contrive little Nests and Burrows, that they call Houses and Cities; they make a Figure in Dress and Equipage; they love, they fight, they dispute, they cheat, they betray. And thus he continued on, while my Colour came and went several times with Indignation to hear our noble Country, the Mistress of Arts and Arms, the Scourge of France, the Arbitress of Europe, the Seat of Virtue, Piety, Honour and Truth, the Pride and Envy of the World, so contemptuously treated.

But as I was not in a Condition to resent injuries, so, upon mature Thoughts, I began to doubt whether I was injured or no. For, after having been accustomed several Months to the Sight and Converse of this People, and observed every Object upon which I cast mine Eyes to be of proportionable Magnitude, the Horror I had first conceived from their Bulk and Aspect was so far worn off, that if I had then beheld a Company of English Lords and Ladies in their Finery and Birth-day Cloaths, acting their several Parts in the most courtly manner, of strutting, and bowing, and prating; to say the Truth, I should have been strongly tempted to laugh as much at them as the King and his Grandees did at me. Neither indeed could I forbear smiling at my self, when the Queen used to place me upon her Hand towards a Looking-glass, by which both our Persons appeared before me in full View together; and there could nothing be more ridiculous than the Comparison: So that I really began to imagine myself Dwindled many Degrees below my usual Size.

Nothing angered and mortified me so much as the Queen's Dwarf, who being of the lowest Stature that was ever that Country (for I verily think he was not thirty Foot high) became insolent at seeing a Creature so much beneath him, that he would always affect to swagger and look big as he passed by me in the Queen's Antichamber, while I was standing on some Table talking with the Lords or Ladies of the Court, and he seldom failed of a small Word or two upon my Littleness; against which I could only revenge my self by calling him Brother, challenging him to wrestle, and such Repartees as are usual in the Mouths of Court Pages. One Day at Dinner this malicious little Cubb was so nettled with something I had said to him, that raising himself upon the Frame of her Majesty's Chair, he took me up by the Middle, as I was sitting down, not thinking any harm, and let me drop into a large silver Bowl of Cream, and then ran away as fast as he could. I fell over Head and Ears, and if I had not been a good Swimmer, it might have gone very hard with me; for Glumdalclitch in that Instant happened to be at the other End of the Room, and the Queen was in such a Fright that she wanted Presence of Mind to assist me. But my little Nurse ran to my Relief, and took me out, after I had swallowed above a Quart of Cream. I was put to Bed; however, I received no other Damage than the Loss of a Suit of Cloaths, which was utterly spoiled. The Dwarf was soundly whipped, and as a farther Punishment, forced to drink up the Bowl of Cream, into which he had thrown me; neither was he ever restored to Favour; For soon after the Queen bestowed him to a Lady of high Quality, so that I saw him no more, to my very great Satisfaction; for I could not tell to what Extremity such a malicious Urchin might have carried his Resentment.

He had before served me a scurvy Trick, which set the Queen a laughing, although at the same Time she was heartily vexed, and would have immediately cashiered him, if I had not been so generous as to intercede. Her Majesty had taken a Marrow-bone upon her plate, and after knocking out the Marrow, placed the Bone again in the Dish erect as it stood before; the Dwarf watching his Opportunity, while Glumdalclitch was gone to the Sideboard, mounted upon the Stool she stood on to take care of me at Meals, took me up in both Hands, and squeezing my Legs together, wedged them into the Marrow-bone above my Wast, where I stuck for some time, and made a very ridiculous Figure. I believe it was near a Minute before any one knew what was become of me, for I thought it below me to cry out. But, as Princes seldom get their Meat hot, my Legs were not scalded, only my Stockings and Breeches in a sad Condition. The Dwarf, at my Entreaty, had no other Punishment than a sound whipping.

I was frequently rallied by the Queen upon account of my Fearfulness, and she used to ask me whether the People of my Country were as great Cowards as my self? The Occasion was this. The Kingdom is much pestered with Flies in Summer; and these odious Insects, each of them as big as a Dunstable Lark, hardly gave me any Rest while I sat at Dinner, with their continual humming and buzzing about mine Ears. They would sometimes alight upon my Victuals, and leave their loathsome Excrement or Spawn behind, which to me was very visible, though not to the Natives of that Country, whose large Opticks were not so acute as mine in viewing smaller Objects. Sometimes they would fix upon my Nose or Forehead, where they stung me to the Quick, smelling very offensively, and I could easily trace that viscous Matter, which our Naturalists tell us enables those Creatures to walk with their Feet upwards upon a Cieling. I had much ado to defend my self against these detestable Animals, and could not forbear starting when they came on my Face. It was the common Practice of the Dwarf to catch a number of these Insects in his Hand, as School-boys do among us, and let them out suddenly under my Nose on purpose to frighten me, and divert the Queen. My Remedy was to cut them in Pieces with my Knife as they flew in the Air, wherein my Dexterity was much admired.

I remember one Morning when Glumdalclitch had set me in my Box upon a Window, as she usually did in fair Days to give me Air (for I durst not venture to let the Box be hung on a Nail out of the Window, as we do with Cages in England) after I had lifted up one of my Sashes, and sat down at my Table to eat a Piece of Sweet Cake for my Breakfast, above twenty Wasps, allured by the smell, came flying into the Room, humming louder than the Drones of as many Bagpipes. Some of them seized my Cake, and carried it piece-meal away, others flew about my Head and Face, confounding me with the Noise, and putting me in the utmost terror of their Stings. However I had the Courage to rise and draw my Hanger, and attack them in the Air. I dispatched four of them, but the rest got away, and I presently shut my Window. These Insects were as large as Partridges; I took out their Stings, found them an Inch and a half long, and as sharp as Needles. I carefully preserved them all, and having since shown them with some other Curiosities in several parts of Europe; upon my Return to England I gave three of them to Gresham College, and kept the fourth for my self.

CHAPTER IV.

The Country described. A Proposal for Correcting modern Maps. The King's Palace, and some Account of the Metropolis. The Author's way of Travelling. The chief Temple described.

I NOW intend to give the Reader a short Description of this Country, as far as I travelled in it, which was not above two thousand Miles round Lorbrulgrud the Metropolis. For, the Queen, whom I always attended, never went further when she accompanied the King in his Progresses, and there staid till his Majesty returned from viewing his Frontiers. The whole Extent of this Prince's Dominions reacheth about six thousand Miles in Length, and from three to five in Breadth. From whence I cannot but conclude that our Geographers of Europe are in a great Error, by supposing nothing but Sea between Japan and California; for it was ever my Opinion, that there must be a Balance of Earth to counterpoise the great Continent of Tartary; and therefore they ought to correct their Maps and Charts, by joining this vast Tract of Land to the North-west Parts of America, wherein I shall be ready to lend them my Assistance.

The Kingdom is a Peninsula, terminated to the North-east by a Ridge of Mountains thirty Miles high, which are altogether impassable by reason of the Volcanoes upon the Tops. Neither do the most Learned know what sort of Mortals inhabit beyond those Mountains, or whether they be inhabited at all. On the three other Sides it is bounded by the Ocean. There is not one Sea-port in the whole Kingdom, and those Parts of the Coasts into which the Rivers issue, are so full of pointed Rocks, and the Sea generally so rough, that there is no venturing with the smallest of their Boats; so that these People are wholly excluded from any Commerce with the rest of the World. But the large Rivers are full of Vessels, and abound with excellent Fish; for they seldom get any from the Sea, because the Sea-fish are of the same Size with those in Europe, and consequently not worth catching; whereby it is manifest, that Nature in the Production of Plants and Animals of so extraordinary a Bulk, is wholly confined to this Continent; of which I leave the Reasons to be determined by Philosophers. However, now and then they take a Whale that happens to be dashed against the Rocks, which the common People feed on heartily. These Whales I have known so large that a Man could hardly carry one upon his Shoulders; and sometimes for Curiosity they are brought in Hampers to Lorbrulgrud: I saw one of them in a Dish at the King's Table, which passed for a Rarity, but I did not observe he was fond of it; for I think indeed the Bigness disgusted him, although I have seen one somewhat larger in Greenland.

The Country is well inhabited, for it contains fifty one Cities, near an hundred walled Towns, and a great Number of Villages. To satisfy my curious Reader, it may be sufficient to describe Lorbrulgrud. This City stands upon almost two equal Parts on each Side the River that passes through. It contains above eighty thousand Houses, and about six hundred thousand Inhabitants. It is in Length three Glonglungs (which make about fifty four English Miles) and two and a half in Breadth, as I measured it my self in the Royal Map made by the King's Order, which was laid on the Ground on purpose for me, and extended an hundred Feet; I paced the Diameter and Circumference several times Bare-foot, and computing by the Scale, measured it pretty exactly.

The King's Palace is no regular Edifice, but a Heap of Buildings about seven Miles round: The chief Rooms are generally two hundred and forty Foot high, and broad and long in Proportion. A Coach was allowed to Glumdalclitch and me, wherein her Governess frequently took her out to see the Town, or go among the Shops; and I was always of the Party, carried in my Box; although the Girl at my own Desire would often take me out, and hold me in her Hand, that I might more conveniently view the Houses and the People, as we passed along the Streets. I reckoned our Coach to be about a Square of Westminster-Hall, but not altogether so high; however, I cannot be very exact. One Day the Governess ordered our Coachman to stop at several Shops, where the Beggars watching their Opportunity, crouded to the Sides of the Coach, and gave me the most horrible Spectacles that ever an English Eye beheld. There was a Woman with a Cancer in her Breast, swelled to a monstrous Size, full of Holes, in two or three of which I could have easily crept, and covered my whole Body. There was a Fellow with a wen in his Neck, larger than five Wool- packs; and another with a couple of wooden Legs, each about twenty Foot high. But the most hateful Sight of all was the Lice crawling on their Cloaths: I could see distinctly the Limbs of these Vermin with my naked Eye, much better than those of an European Louse through a Microscope, and their Snouts with which they rooted like Swine. They were the first I had ever beheld, and I should have been curious enough to dissect one of them, if I had proper Instruments (which I unluckily left behind me in the Ship) although indeed the Sight was so nauseous, that it perfectly turned my Stomach.

Besides the large Box in which I was usually carried, the Queen ordered a smaller one to be made for me, of about twelve Foot Square, and ten high, for the Convenience of Travelling; because the other was somewhat too large for Glumdalclitch's Lap, and cumbersom in the Coach; it was made by the same Artist, whom I directed in the whole Contrivance. This travelling Closet was an exact Square with a Window in the Middle of three of the Squares, and each Window was latticed with Iron Wire on the outside, to prevent Accidents in long Journeys. On the fourth Side, which had no Window, two strong Staples were fixed, through which the Person that carried me, when I had a Mind to be on Horseback, put in a Leathern Belt, and buckled it about his Waist. This was always the Office of some grave trusty Servant in whom I could confide, whether I attended the King and Queen in their Progresses, or were disposed to see the Gardens, or pay a Visit to some great Lady or Minister of State in the Court, when Glumdalclitch happened to be out of Order: for I soon began to be known and esteemed among the greatest Officers, I suppose more upon Account of their Majesties' Favour, than any Merit of my own. In Journeys, when I was weary of the Coach, a Servant on Horseback would buckle my Box, and place it on a Cushion before him; and there I had a full Prospect of the Country on three Sides from my three Windows. I had in this Closet a Field-Bed and a Hammock hung from the Cieling, two Chairs and a Table, neatly screwed to the Floor, to prevent being tossed about by the Agitation of the Horse or the Coach. And having been long used to Sea-Voyages, those Motions, although sometimes very violent, did not much discompose me.

Whenever I had a Mind to see the Town, it was always in my Travelling- Closet; which Glumdalclitch held in her Lap in a kind of open Sedan, after the Fashion of the Country, borne by four Men, and attended by two others in the Queen's Livery. The People who had often heard of me, were very curious to croud about the Sedan, and the Girl was complaisant enough to make the Bearers stop, and to take me in her Hand that I might be more conveniently seen.

I was very desirous to see the chief Temple, and particularly the Tower belonging to it, which is reckoned the highest in the Kingdom. Accordingly, one Day my Nurse carried me thither, but I may truly say I came back disappointed; for, Height is not above three thousand Foot, reckoning from the Ground to the highest Pinnacle top; which allowing for the Difference between the Size of those People, and us in Europe, is no great matter for Admiration, nor at all equal in Proportion, (if I rightly remember) to Salisbury Steeple. But, not to detract from a Nation to which during my Life I shall acknowledge myself extremely obliged; it must be allowed, that whatever this famous Tower wants in Height, is amply made up in Beauty and Strength. For the Walls are near an hundred Foot thick, built of hewn Stone, whereof each is about forty Foot square, and adorned on all Sides with Statues of Gods and Emperors cut in Marble larger than the Life, placed in their several Niches. I measured a little Finger which had fallen down from one of these Statues, and lay unperceived among some Rubbish; and found it exactly four Foot and an Inch in Length. Glumdalclitch wrapped it up in a Handkerchief, and carried it Home in her Pocket to keep among other Trinkets, of which the Girl was very fond, as Children at her Age usually are.

The King's Kitchen is indeed a noble Building, vaulted at Top, and about six hundred Foot high. The great Oven is not so wide by ten Paces as the Cupola at St. Paul's: For I measured the latter on purpose after my Return. But if I should describe the Kitchen-grate, the prodigious Pots and Kettles, the Joints of Meat turning on the Spits, with many other Particulars, perhaps I should be hardly believed; at least a severe Critick would be apt to think I enlarged a little, as Travellers are often suspected to do. To avoid which Censure, I fear I have run too much into the other Extreme; and that if this Treatise should happen to be translated into the Language of Brobdingnag (which is the general Name of that Kingdom) and transmitted thither; the King and his People would have Reason to complain; that I had done them an Injury by a false and diminutive Representation.

His Majesty seldom keeps above six hundred Horses in his Stables: they are generally from fifty four to sixty Foot high. But, when he goes abroad on solemn Days, he is attended for State by a Militia Guard of five hundred Horse, which indeed I thought was the most splendid Sight that could be ever beheld, till I saw part of his Army in Battalia, whereof I shall find another Occasion to speak.

CHAPTER V.

Several Adventured that happened to the Author. The Execution of a Criminal. The Author shews his Skill in Navigation.

I SHOULD have lived happy enough in that Country, if my littleness had not exposed me to several ridiculous and troublesome Accidents : some of which I shall venture to relate. Glumdalclitch often carried me into the Gardens of the Court in my smaller Box, and would sometimes take me out of it and hold me in her Hand, or set me down to walk. I remember, before the Dwarf left the Queen, he followed us one Day into those Gardens, and my Nurse having set me down, he and I being close together, near some Dwarf Apple Trees, I must needs shew my Wit by a silly Allusion between him and the Trees, which happens to hold in their Language as it does in ours. Whereupon, the malicious Rogue watching his Opportunity, when I was walking under one of them, shook it directly over my Head, by which a dozen Apples, each of them near as large as a Bristol Barrel, came tumbling about my Ears; one of them hit me on the Back as I chanced to stoop, and knocked me down flat on my Face, but I received no other Hurt, and the Dwarf was pardoned at my Desire, because I had given the Provocation.

Another day Glumdalclitch left me on a smooth Grass-plot to divert my self while she walked at some distance with her Governess. In the meantime there suddenly fell such a violent shower of Hail, that I was immediately by the force of it struck to the Ground: And when I was down, the Hail-stones gave me such cruel Bangs all over the Body, as if I had been pelted with Tennis balls; however I made a shift to creep on all four, and shelter myself by lying flat on my Face on the Lee-side of a Border of Lemon Thyme, but so bruised from Head to Foot that I could not go abroad in ten Days. Neither is this at all to be wondered at, because Nature in that Country observing the same Proportion thro' all her Operations, a hailstone is near eighteen hundred times as large as one in Europe, which I can assert upon Experience, having been so curious to weigh and measure them.

But, a more dangerous Accident happened to me in the same Garden, when my little Nurse believing she had put me in a secure Place, which I often entreated her to do, that might enjoy my own Thoughts, and having left my Box at Home to avoid the Trouble of carrying it, went to another part of the Garden with her Governess and some Ladies of her acquaintance. While she was absent and out of hearing, a small white Spaniel belonging to one of the chief Gardiners, having got by Accident into the Garden, happened to range near the Place where I lay. The Dog following the Scent, came directly up, and taking me in his Mouth, ran strait to his Master, wagging his Tail, and set me gently on the Ground. By good Fortune he had been so well taught, that I was carried between his Teeth without the least Hurt, or even tearing my Cloaths. But, the poor Gardiner, who knew me well, and had a great Kindness for me, was in a terrible Fright. He gently took me up in both his Hands, and asked me how I did; but I was so amazed and out of Breath, that I could not speak a Word. In a few Minutes I came to my self, and he carried me safe to my little Nurse, who by this time had returned to the Place where she left me, and was in cruel Agonies when I did not appear, nor answer when she called; she severely reprimanded the Gardener on Account of his Dog. But, the Thing was hushed up, and never known at Court; for the Girl was afraid of the Queen's Anger; and truly as to my self, I thought it would not be for my Reputation that such a Story should go about.

This Accident absolutely determined Glumdalclitch never to trust me abroad for the future out of her Sight. I had been long afraid of this Resolution; and therefore concealed from her some little unlucky Adventures that happened in those Times when I was left by my self. Once a Kite hovering over the Garden, made a Stoop at me, and if I had not resolutely drawn my Hanger, and run under a thick Espalier, he would have certainly carried me away in his Talons. Another time, walking to the Top of a fresh Mole-hill, I fell to my Neck in the Hole through which that Animal had cast up the Earth; and coined some Lye, not worth remembering, to excuse my self for spoiling my Cloaths. I likewise broke my right Shin against the Shell of a Snail, which I happened to stumble over, as I was walking alone, and thinking on poor England.

I cannot tell whether I were more pleased or mortified, to observe in those solitary Walks, that the smaller birds did not appear to be at all afraid of me; but would hop about within a Yard Distance, looking for Worms, and other Food with as much Indifference and Security as if no Creature at all were near them. I remember a Thrush had the Confidence to snatch out of my Hand with his Bill a Piece of Cake that Glumdalclitch had just given me for my Breakfast. When I attempted to catch any of these Birds, they would boldly turn against me, endeavouring to pick my Fingers, which I durst not venture within their reach; and then they would hop back unconcerned to hunt for Worms or Snails, as they did before. But, one Day I took a thick Cudgel, and threw it with all my Strength so luckily at a Linnet, that I knocked him down, and seizing him by the Neck with both my Hands, ran with him in Triumph to my Nurse. However, the Bird, who had only been stunned, recovering himself, gave me so many Boxes with his Wings on both Sides of my Head and Body, though I held him at Arms Length, and was out of the Reach of his Claws, that I was twenty Times thinking to let him go. But I was soon relieved by one of our Servants, who wrung off the Bird's Neck; and I had him next Day for Dinner, by the Queen's Command. This Linnet, as near as I can remember, seemed to be somewhat larger than an English Swan.

The Maids of Honour often invited Glumdalclitch to their Apartments, and desired she would bring me along with her, on Purpose to have the Pleasure of seeing and touching me. They would often strip me naked from Top to Toe, and lay me at full Length in their Bosoms; wherewith I was much disgusted; because, to say the Truth, a very offensive Smell came from their Skins; which I do not mention or intend to the Disadvantage of those excellent Ladies, for whom I have all Manner of Respect; but, I conceive that my Sense was more acute in Proportion to my Littleness, and that those illustrious Persons were no more disagreeable to their Lovers, or to each other, than People of the same Quality are with us in England. And, after all, I found their natural Smell was much more supportable than when they used Perfumes, under which I immediately swooned away. I cannot forget that an intimate Friend of mine in Lilliput took the Freedom in a warm Day, when I had used a good deal of Exercise, to complain of a strong Smell about me, although I am as little faulty that way as most of my Sex: But I suppose his Faculty of Smelling was as nice with regard to me, as mine was to that of this People. Upon this point, I cannot forbear doing Justice to the Queen my Mistress, and Glumdalclitch my Nurse, whose Persons were as sweet as those of any Lady in England.

That which gave me most Uneasiness among these Maids of Honour, when my Nurse carried me to visit them, was to see them use me without any manner of Ceremony, like a Creature who had no sort of Consequence. For, they would strip themselves to the Skin, and put on their Smocks in my Presence, while I was placed on their Toylet directly before their naked Bodies, which, I am sure, to me was very far from being a tempting Sight, or from giving me any other emotions than those of Horror and Disgust. Their Skins appeared so coarse and uneven, so variously coloured, when I saw them near, with a Mole here and there as broad as a Trencher, and Hairs hanging from it thicker than Pack-threads, to say nothing further concerning the rest of their Persons. Neither did they at all scruple, while I was by to discharge what they had drunk, to the Quantity of at least two Hogsheads, in a Vessel that held above three Tuns. The handsomest among these Maids of Honour, a pleasant frolicksome Girl of Sixteen, would sometimes set me astride upon one of her Nipples, with many other Tricks, wherein the Reader will excuse me for not being over particular. But I was so much displeased, that I entreated Glumdalclitch to contrive some Excuse for not seeing that young Lady any more.

One Day, a young Gentleman, who was a Nephew to my Nurse's Governess, came and pressed them both to see an Execution. It was of a Man who had murdered one of that Gentleman's intimate Acquaintance. Glumdalclitch was prevailed on to be of the Company, very much against her Inclination, for she was naturally tender-hearted: And, as for my self, although I abhorred such kind of Spectacles, yet my Curiosity tempted me to see something that I thought must be extraordinary. The Malefactor was fixed in a Chair upon a Scaffold erected for the Purpose, and his Head cut off at a Blow with a Sword of about forty Foot long. The Veins and Arteries spouted up such a prodigious Quantity of Blood, and so high in the Air, that the great Jett d'eau at Versailles was not equal, for the Time it lasted; and the Head, when it fell on the Scaffold-Floor, gave such a Bounce, as made me start, although I were at least half an English Mile distant.

The Queen, who often used to hear me talk of my Sea-Voyages, and took all Occasions to divert me when I was melancholy, asked me whether I understood how to handle a Sail, or an Oar, and whether a little Exercise of Rowing might not be convenient for my Health. I answered, that I understood both very well: For, although my proper Employment had been to be Surgeon or Doctor to the Ship, yet upon a Pinch, I was forced to work like a common Mariner. But I could not see how this could be done in their Country, where the smallest Wherry was equal to a First-rate Man of War among us, and such a Boat as I could manage would never live in any of their Rivers. Her Majesty said, if I would contrive a Boat, her own Joiner should make it, and she would provide a Place for me to sail in. The Fellow was an ingenious Workman, and, by my instructions, in ten Days finished a Pleasure-Boat, with all its Tackling, able conveniently to hold eight Europeans. When it was finished, the Queen was so delighted, that she ran with it in her Lap to the King, who ordered it to be put in a Cistern full of Water, with me in it, by Way of Tryal; where I could not manage my two Sculls, or little Oars, for want of Room. But the Queen had before contrived another Project. She ordered the Joiner to make a wooden Trough of three hundred Foot long, fifty broad, and eight deep; which being well pitched to prevent leaking, was placed on the Floor along the Wall, in an outer Room of the Palace. It had a cock near the Bottom to let out the Water when it began to grow stale, and two Servants could easily fill it in half an Hour. Here I often used to row for my own Diversion, as well as that of the Queen and her Ladies, who thought themselves well entertained with my Skill and Agility. Sometimes I would put up my Sail, and then my Business was only to steer, while the Ladies gave me a Gale with their fans; and when they were weary, some of the pages would blow my Sail forward with their Breath, while I showed my Art steering starboard or larboard as I pleased. When I had done, Glumdalclitch always carried my Boat into her Closet, and hung it on a Nail to dry.

In this Exercise I once met an Accident which had like to have cost me my Life: For, one of the Pages having put my Boat into the Trough, the Governess, who attended Glumdalclitch very officiously lifted me up to place me in the Boat, but I happened to slip through her Fingers, and should have infallibly fallen down forty Foot upon the Floor, if by the luckiest Chance in the World, I had not been stopp'd by a Corking-pin that stuck in the good Gentlewoman's Stomacher; the Head of the Pin passed between my Shirt and the Waistband of my Breeches, and thus I was held by the Middle in the Air till Glumdalclitch ran to my Relief.

Another Time, one of the Servants, whose Office it was to fill my Trough every third Day with fresh Water, was so careless to let a huge Frog (not perceiving it) slip out of his Pail. The Frog lay concealed till I was put into my Boat, but then seeking a resting Place, climbed up, and made it lean so much on one Side, that I was forced to balance it with all my Weight on the other, to prevent overturning. When the Frog was got in, it hopped at once half the Length of the Boat, and then over my Head, backwards and forwards, daubing my face and Clothes with its odious Slime. The Largeness of its Features made it appear the most deformed Animal that can be conceived. However, I desired Glumdalclitch to let me deal with it alone. I banged it a good while with one of my Sculls, and at last forced it to leap out of the Boat.

But the greatest Danger I ever underwent in that Kingdom was from a Monkey, who belonged to one of the Clerks of the Kitchen. Glumdalclitch had locked me up in her Closet, while she went somewhere upon Business, or a Visit. The Weather being very warm, the Closet-Window was left open, as well as the Windows and the Door of my bigger Box, in which I usually lived, because of its Largeness and Conveniency. As I sat quietly meditating at my Table, I heard something bounce in at the Closet- Window, and skip about from one Side to the other; whereat, although I was much alarmed, yet I ventured to look out, but not stirring from my Seat; and then I saw this frolicksome Animal, frisking and leaping up and down, till at last he came to my Box, which he seemed to view with great Pleasure and Curiosity, peeping in at the Door and every Window. I retreated to the farther Corner of my Room, or Box, but the Monkey looking in at every Side, put me into such a Fright, that I wanted Presence of Mind to conceal my self under the Bed, as I might easily have done. After some Time spent in peeping, grinning, and chattering, he at last espied me, and reaching one of his Paws in at the Door, as a Cat does when she plays with a Mouse, although I often shifted Place to avoid him, he at Length seized the Lappet of my Coat (which being made of that Country Cloth, was very thick and strong,) and dragged me out. He took me up in his right Fore-foot, and held me as a Nurse does a Child she is going to suckle, just as I have seen the same sort of Creature do with a Kitten in Europe: And when I offered to struggle, he squeezed me so hard, that I thought it more prudent to submit. I have good Reason to believe that he took me for a young one of his own Species, by his often stroaking my Face very gently with his other Paw. In these Diversions he was interrupted by a Noise at the Closet Door, as if some Body were opening it; whereupon he suddenly leaped up to the Window at which he had come in, and thence upon the Leads and Gutters, walking upon three Legs, and holding me in the fourth, till he clamber'd up to a Roof that was next to ours. I heard Glumdalclitch give a shriek at the Moment he was carrying me out. The poor Girl was almost distracted: That Quarter of the Palace was all in an uproar; the Servants ran for Ladders; the Monkey was seen by hundreds in the Court, sitting upon the Ridge of a Building, holding me like a Baby in one of his Fore-paws, and feeding me with the other, by cramming into my Mouth some Victuals he had squeezed out of the Bag on one side of his Chaps, and patting me when I would not eat; whereat many of the Rabble below could not forbear laughing; neither do I think they justly ought to be blamed, for without Question the Sight was ridiculous enough to every Body but my self. Some of the People threw up Stones, hoping to drive the Monkey down; but this was strictly forbidden, or else very probably my Brains had been dashed out.

The Ladders were now applied, and mounted by several Men, which the Monkey observing, and finding himself almost encompassed: not being able to make Speed enough with his three Legs, let me drop on a Ridge-Tyle, and made his Escape. Here I sat for some Time, three hundred Yards from the Ground, expecting every Moment to be blown down by the Wind, or to fall by my own Giddiness, and come tumbling over and over from the Ridge to the Eves: But an honest Lad, one of my Nurse's Footmen, climbed up, and putting me into his Breeches Pocket, brought me down safe.

I was almost choaked with the filthy Stuff the Monkey had crammed down my Throat: but my dear little Nurse picked it out of my Mouth with a small Needle, and then I fell to vomiting, which gave me great Relief. Yet I was so weak, and bruised in the Sides with the Squeezes given me by this odious Animal, that I was forced to keep my Bed a Fortnight. The King, Queen, and all the Court, sent every Day to enquire after my Health, and her Majesty made me several Visits during my Sickness. The Monkey was killed, and an Order made that no such Animal should be kept about the Palace.

When I attended the King after my Recovery, to return him Thanks for his Favours, he was pleased to rally me a good deal upon this Adventure. He asked me what my Thoughts and Speculations were while I lay in the Monkey's Paw; how I liked the Victuals he gave me; his manner of feeding; and whether the fresh Air on the Roof had sharpen'd my Stomack. He desired to know what I would have done upon such an Occasion my own Country. I told his Majesty, that in Europe we had no Monkeys, except such as were brought for Curiosities from other Places, and so small that I could deal with a Dozen of them together, if they presumed to attack me. And as for that monstrous Animal with whom I was so lately engaged (it was indeed as large as an Elephant,) if my Fears had suffered me to think so far as to make use of my Hanger, (looking fiercely and clapping my Hand upon the Hilt as I spoke,) when he poked his Paw into my Chamber, perhaps I should have given him such a Wound, as would have made him glad to withdraw it, with more haste than he put it in. This I delivered in a firm Tone, like a Person who was jealous lest his Honour should be called in question. However, my Speech produced nothing else besides a loud Laughter, which all the respect due to his Majesty from those about him could not make them contain. This made me reflect how vain an attempt it is for a Man to endeavour doing himself Honour among those who are out of all Degree of Equality or Comparison with him. And yet I have seen the Moral of my own Behaviour very frequent in England since my Return, where a little contemptible Varlet, without the least Title to Birth, Person, Wit, or common Sense, shall presume to look with Importance, and put himself upon a Foot with the greatest Persons of the Kingdom.

I was every Day furnishing the Court with some ridiculous Story; and Glumdalclitch, although she loved me to Excess, yet was arch enough to inform the Queen, whenever I committed any Folly that she thought would be diverting to her Majesty. The Girl who had been out of Order, was carried by her Governess to take the Air about an Hour's Distance, or thirty Miles from Town. They alighted out of the Coach near a small Foot- path in a Field, and Glumdalclitch setting down my travelling Box, I went out of it to walk. There was a Cow-Dung in the Path, and I must needs try my Activity by attempting to leap over it. I took a Run, but unfortunately jumped short, and found my self just in the Middle up to my Knees. I waded through with some Difficulty, and one of the Footmen wiped me as clean as he could with his Handkerchief; for I was filthily bemired, and my Nurse confined me to my Box till we returned home; where the Queen was soon informed of what had passed, and the Footmen spread it about the Court; so that all the Mirth, for some Days, was at my Expense.

CHAPTER VI.

Several Contrivances of the Author to please the King and Queen. He shews his Skill in Musick. The King enquires into the State of Europe, which the Author relates to him. The King's Observations thereon.

I USED to attend the King's Levee once or twice a Week, and had often seen him under the Barber's Hand, which indeed was at first very terrible to behold: For the Razor was almost twice as long as an ordinary Scythe. His Majesty, according to the Custom of the Country, was only shaved twice a Week. I once prevailed on the Barber to give me some of the Suds or Lather, out of which I picked forty or fifty of the strongest Stumps of Hair. I then took a Piece of fine Wood, and cut it like the back of a Comb, making several Holes in it at equal Distance with as small a Needle as I could get from Glumdalclitch. I fixed in the Stumps so artificially, scraping and sloping them with my Knife toward the Points, that I made a very tolerable Comb; which was a seasonable Supply, my own being so much broken in the Teeth, that it was almost useless: Neither did I know any Artist in that Country so nice and exact, as would undertake to make me another.

And this puts me in Mind of an Amusement wherein I spent many of my leisure Hours. I desired the Queen's Woman to save for me the Combings of her Majesty's Hair, whereof in Time I got a good Quantity, and consulting with my Friend the Cabinet-Maker, who had received general Orders to do little Jobbs for me, I directed him to make two Chair-Frames, no larger than those I had in my Box, and then to bore little Holes with a fine Awl round those Parts where I designed the Backs and Seats; through these Holes I wove the strongest Hairs I could pick out, just after the manner of Cane-Chairs in England. When they were finished, I made a Present of them to her Majesty, who kept them in her Cabinet, and used to shew them for Curiosities, as indeed they were the Wonder of every one that beheld them. The Queen would have had me sit upon one of these Chairs, but I absolutely refused to obey her, protesting I would rather die a thousand Deaths than place a dishonourable Part of my Body on those precious Hairs that once adorned her Majesty's Head. Of these Hairs (as I had always a Mechanical Genius) I likewise made a neat little Purse about five Foot long, with her Majesty's Name decyphered in Gold Letters, which I gave to Glumdalclitch, by the Queen's Consent. To say the Truth, it was more for Show than Use, being not of Strength to bear the Weight of the larger Coins, and therefore she kept nothing in it but some little Toys that Girls are fond of.

The King, who delighted in Musick, had frequent Consorts at Court, to which I was sometimes carried, and set in my Box on a Table to hear them: But, the Noise was so great, that I could hardly distinguish the Tunes. I am confident that all the Drums and Trumpets of a Royal Army, beating and sounding together just at your Ears, could not equal it. My practice was to have my Box removed from the Places where the Performers sat, as far as I could, then to shut the Doors and Windows of it, and draw the Window- Curtains; after which I found their Musick not disagreeable.

I had learned in my Youth to play a little upon the Spinet Glumdalclitch kept one in her Chamber, and a Master attended twice a Week to teach her: I call it a Spinet, because it somewhat resembled that Instrument, and was play'd upon in the same Manner. A fancy came into my Head that I would entertain the King and Queen with an English Tune upon this Instrument. But this appeared extremely difficult: For, the Spinet was near sixty Foot long, each key being almost a Foot wide, so that, with my Arms extended, I could not reach to above five Keys, and to press them down required a good smart Stroak with my Fist, which would be too great a Labour, and to no Purpose. The Method I contrived was this. I prepared two round Sticks about the Bigness of common Cudgels; they were thicker at one End than the other, and I covered the thicker Ends with a Piece of a Mouse's Skin, that by rapping on them, I might neither damage the Tops of the Keys, nor interrupt the Sound. Before the Spinet a Bench was placed about four Foot below the Keys, and I was put upon the Bench. I ran sideling upon it that Way and this, as fast as I could, banging the proper Keys with my two Sticks, and made a Shift to play a Jigg, to the great Satisfaction of both their Majesties: But it was the most violent Exercise I ever underwent, and yet I could not strike above sixteen Keys, nor, consequently, play the Bass and Treble together, as other Artists do; which was a great Disadvantage to my Performance.

The King, who, as I before observed, was a Prince of excellent Understanding, would frequently order that I should be brought in my Box, and set upon the Table in his Closet: He would then command me to bring one of my Chairs out of the Box, and sit down within three Yards Distance upon the Top of the Cabinet, which brought me almost to a level with his Face. In this Manner I had several Conversations with him. I one Day took the Freedom to tell his Majesty, that the Contempt he discovered towards Europe, and the rest of the World, did not seem answerable to those excellent Qualities of the Mind he was Master of. That Reason did not extend it self with the Bulk of the Body: On the contrary, we observed in our Country, that the tallest Persons were usually least provided with it. That among other Animals, Bees and Ants had the Reputation of more Industry, Art and Sagacity, than many of the larger Kinds; and that, as inconsiderable as he took me to be, I hoped I might live to do his Majesty some signal Service. The King heard me with Attention, and began to conceive a much better Opinion of me than he had ever before. He desired I would give him as exact an Account of the Government of England, as I possibly could; because, as fond as Princes commonly are of their own Customs (for so he conjectured of other Monarchs, by my former Discourses), he should be glad to hear of any Thing that might deserve Imitation.

Imagine with thy self, courteous Reader, how often I then wished for the Tongue of Demosthenes or Cicero, that might have enabled me to celebrate the Praise of my own dear native Country in a Stile equal to its Merits and Felicity.

I began my Discourse by informing his Majesty that our Dominions consisted of two Islands, which composed three mighty Kingdoms under one Sovereign, beside our Plantations in America. I dwelt long upon the Fertility of our Soil, and the Temperature of our Climate. I then spoke at large upon the Constitution of an English Parliament, partly made up of an illustrious Body called the House of Peers, Persons of the noblest Blood, and of the most ancient and ample Patrimonies. I described that extraordinary Care always taken of their Education in Arts and Arms, to qualify them for being Counsellors born to the King and Kingdom; to have a share in the Legislature; to be Members of the highest Court of Judicature, from whence there could be no Appeal; and to be Champions always ready for the Defence of their Prince and Country, by their Valour, Conduct, and Fidelity. That these were the Ornament and Bulwark of the Kingdom, worthy Followers of their most renowned Ancestors, whose Honour had been the Reward of their Virtue, from which their Posterity were never once known to degenerate. To these we joined several holy Persons, as part of that Assembly, under the Title of Bishops, whose peculiar Business it is to take care of Religion, and of those who instruct the People therein. These were searched, and sought out, through the whole Nation, by the Prince and his wisest Counsellors, among such of the Priesthood as were most deservedly distinguished by the Sanctity of their Lives, and the depth of their Erudition; who were indeed the spiritual Fathers of the Clergy and the People.

That, the other Part of the Parliament consisted of an Assembly called the House of Commons, who were all principal Gentlemen, freely picked and culled out by the People themselves, for their great Abilities and Love of their Country, to represent the Wisdom of the whole Nation. And these two Bodies make up the most august Assembly in Europe, to whom, in Conjunction with the Prince, the whole Legislature is Committed.

I then descended to the Courts of Justice, over which the Judges, those venerable Sages and Interpreters of the Law presided, for determining the disputed Rights and Properties of Men, as well as for the Punishment of Vice, and Protection of Innocence. I mentioned the prudent Management of our Treasury; the Valour and Atchievements of our Forces by Sea and Land. I computed the Number of our People, by reckoning how many Millions there might be of each religious Sect, or political Party among us. I did not omit even our Sports and Pastimes, or any other Particular which I thought might redound to the Honour of my Country. And I finished all with a brief historical Account of Affairs and Events in England for about an hundred Years past.

This Conversation was not ended under five Audiences, each of several Hours, and the King heard the whole with great Attention, frequently taking Notes of what I spoke, as well as Memorandums of all Questions he intended to ask me.

When I had put an End to these long Discourses, his Majesty in a sixth Audience consulting his Notes, proposed many Doubts, Queries, and Objections, upon every Article. He asked what Methods were used to cultivate the Minds and Bodies of our young Nobility, and in what kind of Business they commonly spent the first and teachable Part of their Lives. What Course was taken to supply that Assembly when any Noble Family became extinct. What Qualifications were necessary in those who were to be created new Lords: Whether the Humour of the Prince, a Sum of Money to a Court Lady or a Prime Minister, or a Design of strengthening a Party opposite to the publick Interest, ever happened to be Motives in those Advancements. What Share of Knowledge these Lords had in the Laws of their Country, and how they came by it, so as to enable them to decide the Properties of their Fellow-Subjects in the last Resort. Whether they were always so free from Avarice, Partialities, or Want, that a Bribe, or some other sinister View, could have no Place among them. Whether those holy Lords I spoke of were always promoted to that Rank upon account of their Knowledge in religious Matters, and the Sanctity of their Lives, had never been Compliers with the Times while they were common Priests, or slavish prostitute Chaplains to some Nobleman, whose Opinions they continued servilely to follow after they were admitted into that Assembly.

He then desired to know what Arts were practiced in electing those whom I called Commoners: Whether a Stranger with a strong Purse might not influence the vulgar Voters to choose him before their own Landlord, or the most considerable Gentleman in the Neighbourhood. How it came to pass, that People were so violently bent upon getting into this Assembly, which I allowed to be a great Trouble and Expense, often to the Ruin of their Families, without any Salary or Pension: Because this appeared such an exalted Strain of Virtue and publick Spirit, that his Majesty seemed to doubt it might possibly not be always sincere: and he desired to know whether such zealous Gentlemen could have any Views of refunding themselves for the Charges and Trouble they were at, by sacrificing the publick Good to the Designs of a weak and vicious Prince in Conjunction with a corrupted Ministry. He multiplied his Questions, and sifted me thoroughly upon every Part of this Head, proposing numberless Enquiries and Objections, which I think it not prudent or convenient to repeat.

Upon what I said in relation to our Courts of Justice, his Majesty desired to be satisfied in several Points: And this I was the better able to do, having been formerly almost ruined by a long Suit in Chancery, which was decreed for me with Costs. He asked, what Time was usually spent in determining between Right and Wrong, and what Degree of Expence. Whether Advocates and Orators had Liberty to plead in Causes manifestly known to be unjust, vexatious, or oppressive. Whether Party in Religion or Politicks were observed to be of any Weight in the Scale of Justice. Whether those pleading Orators were Persons educated in the general Knowledge of Equity, or only in provincial, national, and other local Customs. Whether they or their Judges had any Part in penning those Laws which they assumed the Liberty of interpreting and glossing upon at their Pleasure. Whether they had ever at different Times pleaded for and against the same Cause, and cited Precedents to prove contrary Opinions. Whether they were a rich or a poor Corporation. Whether they received any pecuniary Reward for pleading or delivering their Opinions. And particularly whether they were ever admitted as Members in the lower Senate.

He fell next upon the Management of our Treasury; and said, he thought my Memory had failed me, because I computed our Taxes at about five or six Millions a Year, and when I came to mention the Issues, he found they sometimes amounted to more than double; for the Notes he had taken were very particular in this Point, because he hoped, as he told me, that the Knowledge of our Conduct might be useful to him, and he could not be deceived in his Calculations. But, if what I told him were true, he was still at a Loss how a Kingdom could run out of its Estate like a private Person. He asked me, who were our Creditors; and where we should find Money to pay them. He wonder'd to hear me talk of such chargeable and extensive Wars; that certainly we must be a quarrelsome People, or live among very bad Neighbours, and that our Generals must needs be richer than our Kings. He asked what Business we had out of our own Islands, unless upon the Score of Trade or Treaty, or to defend the Coasts with our Fleet. Above all, he was amazed to hear me talk of a mercenary standing Army in the midst of Peace, and among a free People. He said, if we were governed by our own Consent in the Persons of our Representatives, he could not imagine of whom we were afraid, or against whom we were to fight; and would hear my Opinion, whether a private Man's House might not better be defended by himself, his Children, and Family, than by half a dozen rascals picked up at a venture in the Streets, for small Wages, who might get a hundred times more by cutting their Throats.

He laughed at my odd Kind of Arithmetick (as he was pleased to call it) in reckoning the Numbers of our People by a Computation drawn from the several Sects among us in Religion and Politicks. He said, he knew no Reason, why those who entertain Opinions prejudicial to the Publick, should be obliged to change, or should not be obliged to conceal them. And as it was Tyranny in any Government to require the first, so it was Weakness not to enforce the second: For a Man may be allowed to keep poisons in his Closet, but not to vend them about for Cordials.

He observed, that among the Diversions of our Nobility and Gentry, I had mentioned Gaming. He desired to know at what Age this Entertainment was usually taken up, and when it was laid down; how much of their Time it employed; whether it ever went so high as to affect their Fortunes: Whether mean vicious People, by their Dexterity in that Art, might not arrive at great Riches, and sometimes keep our very Nobles in Dependance, as well as habituate them to vile Companions, wholly take them from the Improvement of their Minds, and force them, by the Losses they have received, to learn and practice that infamous Dexterity upon others.

He was perfectly astonished with the historical Account I gave him of our Affairs during the last Century, protesting it was only a Heap of Conspiracies, Rebellions, Murders, Massacres, Revolutions, Banishments, the very worst Effects that Avarice, Faction, Hypocrisy, Perfidiousness, Cruelty, Rage, Madness, Hatred, Envy, Lust, Malice, or Ambition could produce.

His Majesty in another Audience was at the Pains to recapitulate the Sum of all I had spoken, compared the Questions he made with the Answers I had given; then taking me into his Hands, and stroaking me gently, delivered himself in these Words, which I shall never forget nor the Manner he spoke them in: My little Friend Grildrig, you have made a most admirable Panegyric upon your Country: You have clearly proved that Ignorance, Idleness, and Vice may be sometimes the only Ingredients for qualifying a Legislator: That Laws are best explained, interpreted, and applied by those whose Interest and Abilities lie in perverting, confounding, and eluding them. I observe among you some Lines of an Institution, which in its

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